


Tokyo Geeks

by hinamii



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Band geeks - Freeform, Crack, Gen, M/M, ask me if u want clarification on who is which character, this is hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 16:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4106791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hinamii/pseuds/hinamii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>or, the original idea for the quinx squad</p><p>literally the episode band geeks with tokyo ghoul characters all of the dialogue is the same I thought of this at 3 am spare me please</p><p>half of this disappeared n I'm too lazy to get it back</p><p>id like to thank my idols stubman and memer for always inspiring me</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tokyo Geeks

**Author's Note:**

> i hate myself so much

Akira was in her apartment playing the clarinet. Why was she playing the clarinet? We just don't know. Where did she get the clarinet? We just don't know. Whose clarinet was it? We just don't know. Could she play the clarinet? No.

The time was 11:35 AM and Shinohara knocked on Akira's door, internally screaming as Akira could be heard trying to play Darude-Sandstorm on the clarinet. Instead of introducing himself like a normal person when Akira opened the door, he stated, "Yeah, uhh, we're with the pet hospital down the street and I understand that you have a dying animal on the premises."

Akira looked at him like 'Shinohara you lying bastard you work for the CCG get off my property.'

Akira slammed the door in Shinohara's face.

Just as she turned to continue playing, her phone started ringing. She picked it up, still holding the clarinet, and recited her standard phone greeting.

"Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Please start after the *clarinet noise*"

A gross voice that Akira recognized sniveled from the phone, "Sounds like you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh, ol' chum?"

Akira gasped. "Arima Fancyson-I mean, Kishou-from the CCG?"

Arima snickered. "I hear you're playing the cash register now."

"Sometimes. Uh, how's the yaoi chin?" Akira retorted.

Arima wiggled his ridiculous ass chin around. "It's big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big fancy squad now, and we're supposed to play the Bubble Bowl next week."

Momentarily forgetting both how to use her vocal chords and that squads are supposed to fight ghouls, not play concerts, Akira stuttered, "The ba-ba-ba…The ba-ba-ba…The ba-ba-ba?!"

"That's right. I'm living your dreams, Akira. The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your squad could cover for us," Arima offered in a rare moment of almost being a decent human being.

Akira, still not knowing how to form words into sentences, mumbled, "Ohh, uhh, I…I, uhh…"

Arima chuckled. "I knew it! You don't even have a squad! Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry now." And there goes his moment of decency. watch it fly out the window with me. gaze upon the majesty

Akira mcfreakin lost it. "HOLD IT! It just so happens that I DON'T sell fast food, I DO have a squad, and we're gonna play that Bubble Bowl! How do you like that, Fancy Boy?!"

"Good luck next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of… ibuprofen." And then Arima hung up, because he's a rude prick.

Akira was fucking losing it. She said, to nobody but herself, "I gotta drum up a squad fast! Drum…haha…band humor." The sound of Haise making a gunshot gunshot cash register noise accompanied by Saiko on synth could be faintly heard from the future.

* * *

Touka, Tsukiyama, Rize, Yoshimura, and Yomo were reading from a poster that was inexplicably stapled to Uta's head. They all read from it in turn, ignoring the blood spots.

"Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?"

"Then become part of the greatest musical sensation to ever hit Tokyo."

"And be forever adored by thousands of people you don't know."

"Not to mention free refreshments."

"Practice begins tonight. 8: 30 sharp."

They all looked at each other. A sitcom opening theme began to play.

* * *

Akira was driving a golf cart to band practice. She looked down at her watch. She did not have a watch. She checked her other wrist. Watch. 

"Stupid music rental clerk made me late. That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Elbow, heh, more band humor." Haise's disappointed groan was heard from the future.

When she arrived, the people there weren't even talking to each other normally, just saying "Blah, blah, blah" over and over again. What the fuck? Wh

Akira stepped to the stand in front of everyone and tapped the stand to get everyone's attention. "People, people, settle down! Okay, now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?"

From the front row, in a suit that was a shade of blue so bright it was considered fatally harmful to children under age 5, the elderly, and women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant, Tsukiyama called, "Do instruments of torture count?"

"No."

Tsukiyama winked and flashed a smile at the camera. typical tsukiyama [laugh tr

A hand from the center of the crowd went up. Hide, sitting next to Kaneki. Perhaps too close. Who cares???? The gay

Hide said, "Is mayonnaise an instrument?"

"No, Nagachika-kun. Mayonnaise is not an instrument."

Hide raised his hand again.

"Horseradish is not an instrument, either."

Hide lowered his hand.

"That's fine. No one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you." Akira laughed. Nobody laughed with her. There was a long silence.

Yoshimura yelled, "When do we get the free food?"

Akira had totally fucking lied. "Okay, try to repeat after me." She played six notes on her clarinet. Horrible, but nothing compared to the sheer cacophony of hellish screeching that emerged from the crowd. Everyone was playing. Everyone was playing horribly. Except the drummers, led by Hinami, who just blew on their fucking drumsticks what the fuck

The drumsticks shot out of the drummers' hands and pinned Akira to the wall. "Too bad that didn't kill me," she quipped. A faint laugh track was heard, then the sound of someone being punched in the throat, then silence.

Akira was ready to give up. "Let's just try stepping in the rhythm," she said, figuring it would be easier. "Now, I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five."

Kaneki tugged Hide's sleeve. "Is this the part where we start kicking?"

Akira sighed. "No, Kaneki-kun, that's a chorus line."

Activated at the prospect of violence, Hide screeched, "Kicking? I wanna do some kicking!" And then he nailed Touka in the leg. Pow right in the ki

Touka has been activated. She opened her mouth and emitted a long, high pitch, high frequency tone, normally only audible to dogs. 

After finishing transmitting her warning tone, Touka shrieked, "Ow! Why, you…! Why, I ought to...!"

Conveniently, the pair took their scuffle outside and off camera. Yelling. Yelling. High pitched warning tone. Yelling. Trombone noises. Slightly more muffled yelling.

There was a silence.

Hide poked his head around the corner, grinning. "Whoever is the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on." He then emerged, revealing that the entirety of his body had been shoved into a trombone. He made trombone noises as he walked. Hide was trombone. Kaneki was sobbing. He thought to himself, _How am I gonna fuck a trombone?_

* * *

DAWN OF: THE FOURTH DAY

96 HOURS REMAIN

* * *

The band had decided to practice on the streets of Tokyo, because there's less risk of lawsuits that way. 

"Okay, that's perfect, everybody. Bubble Bowl, here we come. Flag twirlers, really spin those things. Okay, turn. Flag twirlers, let's go. I wanna see some spinning. Flag twirlers,

**Author's Note:**

> time is not real in this fic all characters exist at the same time
> 
> akira=squidward  
> arima=squilliam  
> kaneki=spongebob  
> hide=patrick  
> yoshimura=mr. krabs  
> touka=sandy  
> tsukiyama=plankton  
> rize=ms. puff  
> yomo=larry the lobster


End file.
